STAR WARS Rebels
Why it’s a BAD IDEA to become a rebel.
We all know how wonderfully amazing it is to be a rebel, yeah, rebellion, uprising and revolution, hurrah! But have you ever considered the slightly negative side before you join The Rebellion?
Here are a few points you might want to consider before signing up:-
- You are most likely to be or end up a slave, either born to it or sold into slavery by your parents. Live with it, it’ll put hairs on your chest.
- You are very likely to have a miserable life being chased around the galaxy by GIGANTIC BATTLESHIPS, I mean, HUGE, REALLY HUGE BATTLESHIPS.
- You never have time for the laundry, you always end up wearing GRUNGE, which is so last century’s fashion, and smells.
- Your spaceships match your clothes, they also SMELL.
- Your mum keeps nagging you to get a proper job.
- Your mum won’t let you in the house until you’ve taken off all those skanky clothes.
- Your are most likely to never have a serious relationship with anyone, before the GIGANTIC BATTLESHIPS catch up with you and obliterate your base, fleet or planet, or all of the above.
- If you do get into a serious relationship your children, if you have any, are likely to grow up and kill you. I mean, just ask that nice Mr Palpatine or the lovely Mr Solo, they literally will be the death of you.
- You are always racing around the galaxy. Nice to see all the sights but that most often entails lots of dimly-lit bars, dungeons and back alleys. Best not to tell your mum about it.
- It gets REALLY IRRITATING to see all the glory and fame to a handful of twerps waving magic wands around. I think they’re on something, and I prefer not to look too closely, and they really SMELL under all those long robes. They need a bath.
- You are always begging for help, money, battleships, etc., and all you end up with are the scrapings from the bottom of the shipyard.
- If you succeed and WIN, yipee, Viva The Revolution!! You end up back where you started, see above, when the next bunch of fascists turn up with another fleet of GIGANTIC BATTLESHIPS!
- In the meantime the galaxy is run by a free Republic, which is mostly corrupt politicians and bureaucrats.
- You pine for some serious leadership, like that lovely girl, Miss Palpatine, she’d make a sweet Empress, and strong with it, after all she did exterminate the entire Sith with her sparkly hands. Yeah, dream on.
So if all that hasn’t deterred you then WELCOME TO THE REBELLION.
May The Force Be With You.